Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Essay 4075


Peppering the news with a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Cadbury Schweppes announced intentions to shutter 15 percent of its candy factories, eliminate 7,500 jobs and possibly sell the U.S. unit producing 7Up, Snapple and Dr. Pepper. You do not want to be a Pepper right now.

• A report by the Council on American Islamic Relations showed 2006 was the worst year ever for anti-Muslim bias in America, with complaints of civil-rights abuses jumping 25 percent. You do not want to be a Dr. Pepper-drinking Muslim right now.

• Excerpts from O.J. Simpson’s “If I Did It” book are on the Web. The comic-bookish entry includes: “I looked over at Goldman, and I was fuming. I guess he thought I was going to hit him, because he got into his little karate stance. … ‘What the fuck is that?’ I said. ‘You think you can take me with your karate shit?’ He started circling me, bobbing and weaving, and if I hadn't been so fucking angry, I would have laughed in his face. … Goldman was still circling me, bobbing and weaving, but I didn’t feel like laughing anymore. ‘You think you’re tough, motherfucker? … OK, motherfucker! Show me how tough you are!’ … Then something went horribly wrong … I put my left hand to my heart, and my shirt felt strangely wet. I looked down at myself. … The whole front of me was covered in blood.” Simpson appears to have the makings for a sequel to The Naked Gun.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow. I mean, I had no idea he could write so well. I always thought there was more to him than just Capricorn One and those Hertz spots. This proves it.

Unknown said...

i'm at a loss for words with the whole thing. the only thing that keeps juice in the public eye is hatred from the goldmans and fox news. otherwise, he'd have faded long time ago.